All of us are familiar with the line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, "To be or not to be: that is the question." But I would like to propose a different question today. Another question that needs to be answered is "To do or not to do." It’s a marriage question.
When couples stand before God to be married, and the pastor asks them whether they take each other to be their lawfully wedded spouse in the covenant of marriage, they answer, "I do." The problem is that many of them say they do when they really don’t. They don’t really understand what marriage is all about. They don’t have any idea what will be required. They don’t know enough about the communication skills they will need. They don’t want to change to accommodate living with someone else. They don’t want to give up being selfish. And they don’t want to pay the price of the hard work necessary to build a good marriage.
I’ve done my share of weddings and funerals, but I must admit that I’ve had more success with the funerals than the weddings. Everyone that I have buried has stayed dead but not everyone that I have married has stayed married. Of course, staying married is harder to do than staying dead. And that’s the point. To have a lasting and fulfilling marriage requires a great deal from us. So you would think that more people would take the time to think through both the benefits and the costs of being married.
We have been looking at the counsel of the apostle Paul concerning marriage in this section of 1 Corinthians. He has spoken of the sanctity of marriage, the duties of husband and wife, and the responsibility of staying together. He has also spoken of the high calling of singleness. A single person is not a second-class citizen in God’s kingdom. And finally, he is challenged each of us to bloom where we have been planted. Whatever our circumstance in life, our goal should be to serve the Lord in and through that circumstance.
Now he turns his attention to those who have not yet married. As we will see in our text today, there are several important considerations concerning marriage that should be thought through before marriage. If more young people, prior to ever becoming engaged, would thoroughly consider what marriage is all about, I am convinced that they would have much better marriages. They would enter into marriage without any illusions concerning marriage and therefore would not become disillusioned. Marriage is important. And God ordained that it was to be for life. So any decision regarding marriage should be an informed decision. That’s look briefly at several important considerations.
25
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.29
What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. (7:25-31)What is in view here is someone who has not yet married. These are the virgins about which he speaks. And while he does not have a direct word from the Lord Jesus, he gives his apostolic judgment, inspired by the Holy Spirit, and which will become the Word of God.
What we are to consider is the fact that life is full of pressure. Before you take the step of marriage, you should consider how you are going to handle the pressures of life in that situation.
Paul speaks about the present crisis. It is not clear exactly what he had in mind. Perhaps there was a growing persecution of Christians in that area. That would certainly be the case in the not-too-distant future. Having a family in the midst of persecution would certainly and a great deal of stress and worry to anyone’s life. Just think of having to deal with one of your loved ones being subject to persecution, perhaps even torture or death.
But even without persecution, we’re told that we will face many troubles in this life. Indeed, living life is all about facing problems. Whether you’re married or single, you will certainly have your share of problems. What you have to determine is whether it will be easier to handle them alone or with someone. The point the Paul was making is that sometimes the problems you face are the result of being married. Sometimes it’s not easy adjusting to how someone else does things. You may find that you do things totally opposite of your mate. You’re a neat freak–– he is a slob. You squeeze from the bottom–– she squeezes in the middle. You love Chinese–– he can’t stand it. It is absolutely certain that you will encounter things just like these. You need to be prepared for this. If you go into marriage thinking that you’ll never have to deal with problems that you or your spouse create, you will be in for a big disappointment.
Paul goes on to say that the time is short. The return of Jesus is growing nearer every day. Paul always lived with the reality of the second coming of Christ in mind. We should also live in the reality that Jesus could return at any time. But aside from this, our very lives are short. The time that we have in which we can serve God is limited. We certainly do not have any time to waste.
With this in mind, our focus should be Christ. This is what he means when he tells us that those who have wives should live as if they had none. It is not mean that we should act like we’re not married. That would be a contradiction of all he has said. Rather he means that we should not let the attachments in this life keep us from full devotion to Christ. While we live in the world and use the things of the world, we should do so as those who are not engrossed in them. We must know that this world in its present form is passing away. Hold the things of this world loosely. Do not be captivated by them. Do not be engrossed in them. Keep your focus on Christ.
When you consider marriage, you need to also consider life’s pressures. And if you choose to get married, you must prepare to deal with those pressures. Someone once said, "Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener." It certainly may be. Why not get your eyes open now. It will make a big difference later.
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I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (7:32-35)Not only are there pressures with which to deal, there are also added preoccupations in marriage. It goes with the territory. Paul calls it the issue of concern. When a person gets married, they have to think about the person they married. The wife has a think about her husband and the husband has to think about his wife. In other words, we have to be concerned about pleasing our partner. We are no longer alone.
Of course, this impacts in the attention that we can give to the things of God. Paul indicates that our interests are divided. In other words, we simply cannot give God 100% of our time, energy, and attention. Our marriage partner will rightly be the focus of a substantial portion of our attention. Is this bad? Is this wrong?
I do not believe that it is a question of absolute right and wrong. It is a question of how God has shaped to you and how God has called you to live. God does still call people to live lives of total and undivided devotion to him. Because of the work he calls some people to do, being married would be terribly difficult. God calls some people to work in places where they must endure great hardship, places many would not want to take a spouse or children.
Before you get married, you should have a little discussion with God about what his will is for your life. Ask God whether you need to be married. Don’t just assume that, because marriage is for most of us, it must be for you. Remember, although marriage is not restricted, it is not required either.
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If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. (7:36-38)A big consideration has to do with your personal preferences. What do you desire? How has God shaped you? After all, God created marriage to meet a genuine human need. You remember that when he created Adam in the Garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good that he was alone. God himself created a woman to be his wife. Marriage meets the genuine human needs of companionship, sexual fulfillment, children, and emotional support. God created it, and it is good.
The very desires that you have are also a gift from God. Some people just need to be married. In the example in our text, we are told that we are not sinning when we feel we ought to marry. If, on the other hand, we feel under no compulsion to marry, then we also do the right thing. If we are created with a God given need for companionship, then by all means get married. But if you do not need a partner, you may do even better without one.
Singleness and marriage are both within God’s design. The question is which is best for you? Take an inventory of your needs. Look at your situation objectively, if you can. Pray about it. The Lord will show you what his plan is for you regarding marriage or singleness. A lot of it will be revealed by what he shows you concerning yourself.
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A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (7:39-40)A final consideration is the fact of marital permanence. Marriage is not to be considered lightly because it is for life. Paul tells us that a woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. It is true not only for the woman but also for the man. In God’s design, marriage is to be a permanent relationship that lasts a lifetime.
The fact that we take marriage so lightly in our culture today is an indication of how far we have moved away from God’s standard. People change a marriage today like they change clothes. Or they disparage the sanctity of marriage by living together outside of marriage. There are many ways they attempt to justify this, almost all of them relying on some subjective "feeling" they have about what they’re doing. But the plain truth of the matter is that there is no justification for sin. And that’s what it is, plain and simple. This is not to say that God cannot and does not forgive people who have made mistakes or who have gone through the tragedy of divorce. He most certainly does. That is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the continued, willful justification of sin. It is rebellion against a holy God. Don’t kid yourself. Hebrews 10:26-27 says, "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God." The Bible says that God will not be mocked.
As Christians, we should take marriage seriously. There is a section in the marriage ceremony that I use in which I talk about the holy covenant of marriage that God established. Then I say, "Therefore, this covenant is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, and soberly, in the fear of God." Often, it seems to me, that we have taken the fear of God out of the hearts of Christian people.
But the God before whom we stand is an awesome God. If he manifested his presence in even a small way, we would tremble in abject terror at the sight of his incredible majesty. It occurs to me that we should do a little trembling here and now so that we don’t have to do as much then and there. Having an awesome reverential respect for God should cause us to abandon instantly anything that is displeasing to him.
If we take marriage seriously, then divorce should never be an option. As we said in a previous message, we should put the Word divorce out of our vocabulary altogether. We should be faithful in marriage. We should honor marriage because God has made it holy. Listen to Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
You can see from what the Bible says that any decision regarding marriage should consider long and hard the permanency of marriage. Don’t enter into something with the idea that you can abandon it later if you feel like it.
Even in the event where one party is released from the marriage bond and is free to remarry, such as the case in our text where a woman’s husband dies, we are instructed to consider the option of singleness. Remarriage may not be the right option. You are certainly free to remarry, Paul says, but the person you marry must belong to the Lord. This, of course, is true for every Christian. Never, never, never, ever marry a non-Christian. God expressly forbids it. And for good reason. You are spiritually incompatible. If you want to experience a hard life, marry an unbeliever. Why would you want to do that?
One of the biggest reasons why we have so many problems in marriages today is because we don’t take the time to give marriage the consideration God tells us to. What we have been discussing today is such practical stuff. God gave it to us a couple of thousand years ago. It would serve as well to dust it off, read it, and follow its direction.
Has God called you to get married? Go into it with your eyes open. Count the cost. Look before you leap. And do so with a commitment to be faithful to your spouse and to God. Has God called you to singleness? It may be the option that is right for you. If so, serve the Lord with a sincere heart and full devotion, knowing that your ultimate reward awaits you in heaven.
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