by J. David Hoke
You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery"; but I
say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with
her already in his heart. - Matthew 5:27-28 (NASB)
The church has had much to say about sex throughout history. Some has been good, and
some not so good. Unfortunately, there have been some views, propagated by
well-intentioned individuals, which have labeled the church as anti-sex. There has been a
prudishness, a negativism, concerning sex which has been communicated to many. At various
times, sex has been portrayed as the ultimate "no-no." Because of
this kind of thinking when I say that someone is "immoral" you think of sexual
sin. Often the church is viewed as still living in the Victorian Era where skirts were
made for piano legs so they would not be too revealing.
Then you have statements made by others in authority in the church which take us to the
other extreme, like those made by the Anglican bishop over the Scottish Episcopal Church. The
Daily Telegraph this past week ran a headline on page 1 which declared:
"Adultery is not a sin, says bishop." The story was referring to comments made
by the Reverend Richard Holloway, Bishop of Edinburgh. In fairness to him, I should say
that he told the BBC that he was misquoted, that adultery is wrong. What he did say was
"God knew when he made us that has given us a built-in sex drive to go out and sow
our seeds. He has given us promiscuous genes." He went on to say, "I think it
would be wrong for the church to condemn people who have followed their instincts."
He said this in a speech on sex and Christianity, warning that humans were not designed to
be faithful and that man was born to have many lovers.
The church's attitude concerning sex has not always been God's attitude. In fact, God has
much to say about sex in the Bible. After all, He created it. Jesus did not and would not
agree with the Reverend Bishop of Edinburgh in his evaluation of adultery. From the
biblical text before us, we can see clearly that not only did the Seventh Commandment
apply to the physical act of adultery, it applies to the heart attitude which causes the
physical act.
What both the Bishop and we need to do is to look at sex from a biblical perspective. We
need to understand the reasons why we were created as sexual beings and how God intends
for sex to impact our lives as well as the dangers inherent in the misuse of sex.
Companionship
It is important to understand that we were created for companionship. When God created
man, He said that it was not good for a man to be alone. Then God created a woman to be a
companion for the man. This was in God's plan all along. He created a man. He created a
woman from the man. Then he brought the man and the woman together.
The Bible indicates that he received her as "Bone of my bone and flesh of my
flesh." Adam received her as a part of himself. God then instructed them to
come together in a one flesh union. He intended for them to have a personal, intimate,
pleasurable, sexual union in which they would find fulfillment and satisfaction.
Now some have perverted sex by negative attitudes toward it. There have always been
ascetics, those who deny themselves any pleasure at all. There have also always been those
who consider physical things inherently inferior to spiritual things. Others would like
you to believe that there is a certain shame attached to sex. But that presupposes that
sex is sinful. Only when Adam and Eve became aware of their sin did they cover themselves
to hide their nakedness. Their is shame in sin. But to conclude that sex is inherently
sinful is to make a false assumption. That assumption is not supported by Scripture.
While there are some who pervert sex by their negative attitudes, still others pervert it
by letting it consume them. God intended sex to provide fulfillment in a mutually
satisfying relationship. Some, however, turn it into lust. Lust, by it's very nature, is
one-sided. Lust is a desire to use another for our own pleasure. And lust can become all
consuming. Lust is a perversion of sexuality. God did not create lust, man created it, and
while some would pass lust off as love, it is not. It is a perversion of both sex and
love.
God created us male and female, as sexual beings, so we could enter into a relationship
for companionship and mutual fulfillment. In this context sex is good.
Commitment
So we see that we were created for companionship, with all the sexual aspects of that
relationship implies. But that companionship was designed to exist in a committed
relationship. We were not only created for companionship, we were created for commitment.
That commitment is known to us as marriage.
When God created Eve and brought her to Adam, He joined them together for life. That was
the first marriage in human history. Since that time men and women have entered into a
covenant relationship called marriage in which they have agreed to live their lives
together as partners. In that committed relationship called marriage we share our lives
together, face life together, reproduce and raise children together, share burdens
together, and grow old together. And part of that relationship is sexual.
Remember, God is pro-sex when sex is within the context of the marriage relationship. That
is the message of the Seventh Commandment and the passage before us. When God says, "You
shall not commit adultery," He confines the proper area for sexual
relationships to marriage. You may say it another way. Sex is for marriage, and only for
marriage.
And by marriage I mean the committed relationship of a man and a woman. There is no room
in the Scripture for homosexual marriage. But I might add that there is also no room for
heterosexual sin through premarital or extramarital sex. Sex belongs in marriage, and only
in marriage. God, in His wisdom ordained it to be so, and with many good reasons.
You see, sex is risky business. By it's very definition, it is one of the most intimate
encounters two people can have. Because it is intimate, it places us in a very vulnerable
situation. That is why God confines it to the committed covenant relationship of marriage.
There, in the marriage relationship, trust can grow. There is love, devotion, respect,
communication, confidentiality, and loyalty implied in the covenant of marriage.
When someone violates that trust, they violate another person. Adultery is not merely a
sin against God, it is also a sin against another person. Additionally it is a sin against
yourself. We do not live in isolation. Adultery causes pain. It destroys our relationships
and robs us of our self-esteem. Adultery devastates whole families as it crushes our mate
and cripples our children.
It is for these reasons that God so opposes adultery. This is why Jesus not only
affirms the Seventh Commandment but also extrapolates its meaning to include the heart
attitude behind it. Avoiding the lustful desire as well as the lustful deed protects our
self-worth, the sanctity of our marriage, the welfare of our children, and our
relationship to God. There is great truth in the popular proverb: "Sow a thought and
reap an act. Sow an act and reap a habit. Sow a habit and reap a character. Sow a
character and reap a destiny."
Counsel
It may serve us well to look at some practical suggestions designed to help us avoid
falling into the trap of sexual sin. All of us want to know how to safeguard our own
marriages. All of us are interested in how to avoid becoming involved in relationships
which are doomed to fail. There are several things that we can do.
The first thing any of us can do is to center our life on Jesus Christ. The best defense
is a good offense. As we aggressively follow Jesus Christ we will be strengthening our
defenses against all sin. When Jesus becomes the center of our lives, His desires will
become more important than our desires.
The second thing that you can do, if you are not married, is to marry only another
Christian. The Bible repeatedly warns us of the dangers of marrying an unbeliever. So many
Christian young people ignore this warning only to suffer the consequences of their
actions. Do not be deceived in thinking that everything will work out because you
"really love each other," or because your future mate will "become a
Christian soon," or because you are "mature enough to handle it." When it
falls apart, you will have to pay an enormous price. Don't do it.
A third thing you can do is to focus on ways to communicate to one another. The sexual fulfillment of our marriage relationship will depend greatly on the success of our communication. Unless we develop intimacy outside of the bedroom, we will never develop intimacy inside of the bedroom. We must focus on our communication. Read books on it. Listen to tapes about. Practice it until you perfect it. But by all means do it.
Fourthly and finally, we must avoid any and all relationships or situations that might
tempt us to stray. If you are honest with yourself you have to admit that some members of
the opposite sex probably attract you just a little more than they should. Unless you
build a wall of protection around yourself by avoiding certain types of contact with those
individuals, you may live to regret it. The Bible exhorts us to flee temptation. We are
also exhorted not to be overconfident in our own ability to stand, lest we fall. I was
always told that if you play around the creek bank long enough, your sure to slide in. We
are not just protecting ourselves, we are protecting our relationship with our mate or
future mate, if we are not married. We are protecting our families. We are protecting our
relationship with God. We are protecting that other person. We are protecting their mate,
their family, their relationship with God. We must be careful in this point.
Sex is giving of yourself on many levels. God confines it the marriage relationship in
order to protect us. Obviously, by doing so we are protected from the many diseases which
abound in our society today. We are also protected from unwanted pregnancies, where there
is no commitment on the part of the would-be parents. We are protected from the emotional
pain, the loss of self-esteem, and the feeling of having cheapened ourselves. We are also
protected from the unwanted memories which will surface in the future. God knew what He
was doing when He ordained sex for marriage. Guard your mind because it all starts there.
Keep you relationship to Jesus strong, and be careful to avoid tempting situations.
Finally, let me say that sexual sin is not the unpardonable sin. You may have committed
this sin, and right know you stomach is churning and your palms are sweating. You may feel
a sense of conviction over your own unfaithfulness, your own promiscuity. You may be
guilty as charged. If you are, then you must understand that God's grace is bigger than
your sin. If you are willing to bring your sin to Jesus, He is willing to forgive you. His
blood, shed on Calvary in payment for your sin, can cleanse you of that sin right now.
If you confess your sin to God, He can and will grant you His forgiveness. Just as He met
the woman caught in the very act of adultery and cleansed her based on her repentant
spirit, so He will cleanse you if you have a repentant heart.
May God grant us all the power to live with clean hearts and hands before Him. May God
give us the grace to affair-proof our marriages, and to keep pleasure undefiled. May He
give those of you who are not married the grace to keep yourself pure from this day
forward, and to flee temptation. May God help us to live without lust.
Copyright (C) 1995 J. David Hoke. This data file is the sole property
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